Sunday, March 27, 2011

The Twilight Saga

Yeah, it's the teen craze, I know, but for some reason every girl is in love with Jacob for his abs.  I mean, seriously, get a fashion magazine if you wanna see guys with great bodies.  Or if you just like topless guys, watch a Matthew McConaughey.  I assure you, he's topless every other scene.  Anyways, Edward?  Girls like him because he's mysterious.  Although being a fruity sparkly vampirette, girls still think the whole "I don't wanna be a monster, mommy!" thing is really hot and it makes up for the fact that he murdered people and drank their blood?  And Bella is just author wish-fulfillment.  The authoress wanted to be Bella, so she made Twilight her own little fairy tale of how her life would be so great with a vampirette and a were-puppy fighting over her.  Wake up, 1. Mythical creatures don't exist except for trolls, but we'll discuss Kathy Bates and Rosey O'Donnell later.  2. It's not good to have two immortal monsters wanting to kill each other over you.  It results in... oh... I don't know... a war between two immortal societies that love nothing more than to kill each other?  That'll be great for publicity, "Come to Forks, WA, home of the Vampire-Werewolf Wars!"  3. Girls don't meet some dark, mysterious, hot dude who just HAPPENS to be one of the only Vampires without a pair, thus making him not want to kill her.  Great plot-twist, authoress, you made it not only impossibly unrealistic but also very gay.

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